Are you running things, or slipping up?

Ideally our roads are never rocky, but to be unprepared for life’s gravel and pebbles due to making poor footwear choices is indefensible. Just in case you’re the type to bring a flip-flop to a boot fight, read on. 

Standing in a long line (such as to vote), going on a march, preparing for a wildfire or earthquake-related evacuation, running for what you think could be your life after several manhole covers erupt sending flames over the street— these are a few situations where you want to be wearing solid shoes. Did you hear about the Global Citizen music fest in Central Park a couple years ago— where thousands of revelers ran every which way after a falling fence was thought to be a gunshot? We’ve been seeing what people have been wearing at some of these protests. In 2020, whenever you leave home you should think about roadblocks and emergency situations where your shoe game should be much stronger than it looks from our stoop. 

When going to a conference, activist march, or something geo-political in nature where there could be crowds and unfamiliar territory, you should choose footwear carefully. Even if you don’t expect hostile environments— parades, nature hikes, music fests (we really miss those), plain old long days can turn into nightmares if you’re walking around in pathetic shoes. At minimum you’re risking daily comfort which can slow drip into a bad mood. You’ll be one of those I-need-to-go-back-to-the-hotel whiners on vacay. At maximum you’re failing to plan in case of emergency — sacrificing the mission whatever yours may be. No one writes “walk through kilometers of wet grass and gravel” on their daily planner. 

BOOTS UP, SANDALS DOWN

Keep sandals, flip-flops, slides — things that expose a majority of your feet — as house shoes. If you’re going to a march, conference or show and may be bus/train-traveling to another city or town— don’t be the sap wearing the aforementioned shower shoes.
By now, every workplace (sadly) has active-shooter instructions which explicitly have “fight back” as a final option. If you can’t stomp a mudhole in somebody’s ass with them, you are an ass for wearing them! I once had a good footwear discussion with a woman who just got off the subway after witnessing a sociopathic bullying incident. We agreed there’s no sense in walking around ANY city street or stepping onto public transportation with something like flip-flops. Violence is bad yes, but you need to be ready at all times to run for your life if violence occurs or kick a criminal in the crotch if you’re an unwitting first responder. Flip-flops say ‘mess with me’, boots say ‘don’t‘. 

TIE SHOE CLUB

Keep your shoes tied when you’re on the move or you risk getting sicker, easier, quicker— entirely possibly—it’s important that they don’t touch the ground while walking. Through trace amounts of animal feces and bird dung on the ground “in the world” the diarrhea causing bacteria C. difficile “C-Diff” can travel from the bottoms of our shoes into the human body. It’s a safeguard against joining the feeling-sick club. If you must do the effortless swag thing— make sure the laces don’t touch the ground— especially walking around densely populated areas. There are plenty of stylish ways to lace your shoes. You can even buy a pair of shorter length laces than what came stock on your kicks. If the ship hits the fan and you have to run and your shoe falls off — you are a loser in the true sense of the word.

FLATS ARE NOT SHOES

Unless you’re doing ballet or sauntering indoors — duck those flats. They offer little-to-no support or shielding. Even the name is weak. “Flats”. That they’re an alternative to heels does not mean they’re good for rocky roads or sketchy streets. There are plenty of what your mother would call feminine shoes that are suitable for work and formal situations despite what weakling fashion sites tell you.  Get some footwear with laces and an anatomical footbed to support your dual anacondas. When I see women trucking the streets of Manhattan in what are essentially slippers, I can almost hear her pinky toes crying out. There can be contractual stipulations on what type of footwear is acceptable for women in the workplace, but in 2020 we bet you can find a happy medium. Tell your boss Popdiatry gave you permission to wear shoes with laces or another suitable enclosure system. Nothing says “I fought the power, and the power won” like wearing flats in a revolutionary atmosphere. You’re not a cheap plastic doll. Get some real shoes.

WEAR SOCKS

Socks absorb moisture from your sweaty-ass feet, aid your footwears’ lifespan, and offer a courtesy layer if you’re asked to remove your shoes at a friend’s place. Darn Tough hikers, Wrightsock runners, bodega cheapos, “no-shows”, tube socks- get some freaking socks sis/bro or you don’t belong in this disco. In times of chill barefoot is great for sand and grass, but out of respect and common sense, if you’re going to be trooping to unknown territory — see what’s out there and invest in stockings. The friend referenced in the first sentence might be savvy enough to choose friends wiser and sockless birdbrains might never get a chance to make a first impression.