Gimmie Some Regular Sneakers

Never let high-fashion or fashion-while-high rapid fire so-called fashion sneakers into your subconscious and get you down! Think hard about some of the best people in your life—could be family, friend, workmate. Maybe they wore some sneakers. What kind? Can’t remember. Because it didn’t matter. Because you weren’t some judgy paint-by-numbers fop following what some affiliate-ad pumpers conjured into cool. Fashion companies that have no business doing shoes will drop a zany, impractical trainer with a $1200 tag just to stick in their 5th ave front window. How about some regular sneakers? Like the Katt Williams regular weed bit. Like some damn sneakers that are under $70 and are made by a bonafide shoe company whose sole purpose is to create footwear and not trick you into thinking the pack is extra special because they injected steroids into the price.

Regular sneakers you can jump around in, crease, spill salsa on, mosh in a pit, scrape it against the office chair leg or scuff up on the bike pedal. Something that fits great will feel great, and you should enjoy damaging them. Dirt on the soles, scuffs on the heel. Pre-dirtied could never. Are you afraid to get your fancy sneakers dirty on the grass? Pussy. Your reg sneaks could always be a general release version of your favorite rare pair. They can be whatever. The more low-key, the more they can fit into social situations and you’re not looking like you’re trying to pose for an album cover when all you create are dirty dishes.

Most of the time no one cares about what’s on our stupid feet as long as you don’t step on theirs. You should flex appropriate for the situation. Sure, but most shoe people underestimate people’s eyesight anyhow. A jerk in Jordans probably has less real friends than a saint in Skechers. Unless you are in the trenches of competitive fashion warfare tiptoeing over tripwires of self esteem, forget over-reading and scrolling through endless kicks—getting emotional about the different Nikedidas model numbers, standing in line for some synthetic sneakers that are a different “colorway” of what Tom, Dick & Harry already got <alarm sound> put away your phone and get some regular sneakers.

Puma Tazons. $60. Great regular sneakers. Comfortable, lasted pretty good. No stress. No affiliation.