“Sock game”. What does it mean?

Objects of the sock game:

• To be empowered, never embarrassed by your socks
• To be wearing the best socks available for your current life style with attention to fabric, thickness and shoe type

You lose the sock game if you are asked to remove your shoes and your socks are thrashed, dirty, ripped or all three. The board game Stratego was a bit like Chess, in that you had your plentiful ‘trooper’ pieces (work socks) and a hierarchy that led up to Generals and Marshals (socks you wear on a first date). 

Whether you keep your shoes on indoors like on the Wale album cover,

or remove your shoes indoors like the Magnetic North and Taiyo Na album cover*,

It may benefit you to mentally leap from sock game to sock strategy, which can be even more fun since life itself is not a game.

*On the subject of shoes indoors, this recent New England Journal of Medicine study shows how trace amounts of bird dung on the bottom of shoes can transfer diarrhea-causing C. difficile bacteria to the human body. (game changer)

You can still conform to the style standards of your outside world while also being the most comfortable. Remember the goals of the game again?

• To be empowered, never embarrassed by your socks
• To be wearing the best socks available for your current life style with attention to fabric, thickness and shoe type

It starts with good buying choices. When it comes to shoes, we recommend spending more on less. With hosiery, the spending is more painless because affordable socks are everywhere. 

I’ve gotten great socks from Amazon and big stores like T.J. Maxx and Marshalls. Outdoorsy shops like REI tend to have great socks. If you think like me, the occasional splurge on some boutiquey expensive socks is an inevitability. 

Have you ever packed for a trip and spent minutes contemplating exactly what socks to take? You put in a couple extra pairs right? Your thin socks are good for those, but thicker socks work better on these. See: You’re a sock strategist. I got my first “good” pair of socks at The Sock Man on 8th Street back in the 90s. Up until then my sock game was passive; I just relied on the inevitable packs of socks I’d receive from my folks on birthdays and Christmas. I’d even default to socks from brands of sneakers I liked at the time: Adidas, Puma, etc.. Many years later I’ve gravitated back to the idea of buying socks in multi-packs in order to bring some consistency to my sock roster.

Einstein’s Uniform (bulk buying)

You know how heavy thinkers like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs and Pee-wee Herman always dressed the same.  Why waste neurotransmission on deciding what to wear in the morning? My grandfather always wanted the same kind of socks (black Gold Toes) for a similar logic. When you do the wash, you needn’t blow minutes sorting each pair. Partly because I long for brilliance, and mostly because I’m paralyzed by too many choices, I’ve become a sucker for a good 3-pack of quality stockings. This incorporates a bit of the uniform theory, and since I often wear the same footwear, it’s nice to have the same sock/shoe combo on multiple days, and opening the sock drawer doesn’t activate the inner scatterbrain.

COTTON RULES EVERYTHING AROUND MY FOOT

Keeping in mind that Popdiatry is not a website for medical information while also bearing in mind that we urge readers to be comfortable and happy, I love me some cotton socks. Cotton is so forgiving and absorptive that it makes a great choice for a long day with long walks. Be that wise reader of the package while shopping. 100% cotton socks are rare. There needs to be some elastic agent; Just look for a majority percentage. The sock label will often have a breakdown similar to nutritional info found on food packaging. The con of cotton is that it tends to becomes pully and misshapen after a series of wears and washes. Other materials like polyester and nylon can lead to a better shelf life (drawer life) and therefore resilient look. We don’t need a PhD to recommend that you air-dry your hosiery as much as possible. If you don’t have some clothespins and a line, get yourself a wooden dying rack and hang your wet socks on there with game-winning pride.

Also: You know that thing where you roll a pair of socks together to put in the drawer? I’d avoid doing that, or reduce it to one roll, to preserve the aforementioned elasticity around the ankle. Unless it’s a look that your going for, droopy socks can be annoying as hell.

 How many socks should you have?

Reporting live from New York City, around twenty pairs should do ya. That gives you plenty of flex time between washings, and won’t crowd your drawer. You can hibernate those alpaca and merino wool socks when the temperature is above 80. Conversely, the no-show whites can lay low if it’s winter. You can store any socks over twenty and smoothly introduce them onto your roster when a pair ‘retires’.

Left Right Socks

I first noticed New Balance doing left/rights for some of their high-end running socks. Most of our socks start to develop a left and right after some good wear anyway- especially those cottons. But like the package of these Keen L/R socks say “You don’t have two left feet”:

During the American Civil War- the leather brogans (boots) issued by the confederacy to their soldiers had no defined left and right boot. Soldiers were expected to wear two of the same boots until the leather conformed. Imagine that break-in period? No wonder the bad guys lost. Today we have left/right shoes, and left/right socks, but sadly the human race hasn’t moved past wars. Maybe left/right socks can help pacify us? 

CLIP YOUR TOENAILS (just not in public)

Until every sock is left right, you want to make your socks last longer by minding your toenail length. Comedian George Carlin had a funny line about toenail clipping- like, when you decide to do it? How about when your big toenail is sharp enough to cut a gash in your lover’s calf? That means it’s slowly slicing away at your sock. After finishing this article would be a great time for a clip.

 Toe Socks

I first saw toe-socks (like gloves for your feet) in the catalog of Things You Never Knew Existed back in the day. I remember thinking how socks like these would drive me nuts with the sensation. Fast forward to 2015 and I bought a pair of Injinji performance toesocks to try for myself.

I do appreciate my toes having their own  pockets, and I understand they allow a more natural splay.  These socks worked out okay. Maybe it was the material, but I found them to be a bit fatiguing after a long day. My index toe being almost equal length to my big toe probably doesn’t help either. If it’s toe-crowding you’re concerned about, a set of foam toe-spacers may be a better solution. I am however intrigued enough to buy another pair soon with a different thickness. 

 PLAYING FAVORITES

Think hosiery natural selection. The socks you like will always be picked and worn and remain at the top of the drawer. Before writing this article I did purchase a bunch of different socks, and one brand started to be picked all the time- Wrightsock.

I happened upon them in an REI store and really really like their patented double-layer construction. The company makes their socks in the USA, and guarantees they won’t give you blisters; They are double layered, but do not feel too thick. I bought a second pair, and look forward to my third, forth and fifth.  They’re not cotton, but the innovative design has them feeling great, and they always seem to be hanging on the top tier of my wooden rack.

Expensive Socks

Remember when Biggie rapped “…I stay Gucci down to the socks…”? Just like any apparel category, there exists a high-end in the world of socks. Pairs that may cost you more than dinner at P.F. Chang’s. Barring the simple name of some designer printed on the sock with no other testament to quality, many expensive socks aren’t even that expensive considering they should outlast the pair you bought off the endcap at Walgreens. You have Stance, Darn Tough, Cole + Parker, Dahlgren, Feetures!, Smartwool, Thorlos… so many brands actually that I’m having a hard time finishing this article.

 

Graphic/Novelty Socks

Semi-recent advancements in fabric printing technology have made it possible to put detailed images on stockings, and there are a whole lot of companies offering anything you can imagine to grace your feet in these times of memification.

Don’t expect the graphics to stay looking brand new after multiple wears and washes. You should definitely follow the instructions on laundering, and consider air drying socks with pictures of butts on them.

I have a hunch many of these novelty socks are being produced faster than licensing agreements can catch up for likenesses and imagery. We know Biggie rapped “… cheese, eggs and Welch’s grape…” but the grape juice on these 40s & Shorties Big Poppa socks appears genericized:

The Rules

Every game has rules, and the sock game rules are written in invisible ink on the collective conscious of wherever you happen to be in this world. The more shorts are worn in the summer, the less I see of my own socks. In Seattle, no one might blink an eye at socks with sandals, elsewhere you might get Vice Don’ted or social media dissed for daring to .The fate of your sock/shorts combo will be tried in the court of public opinion regardless of what some blogger writes. Good thing you are the judge.

So there aren’t any rules, but if you break a non-rule, life will hand you the proper infraction. Function may funk you up if you wear wool socks and it’s 90 degrees out. Going sockless in certain types of shoes can be doable, but if you have a long day with lots of walking, you may be better off with stockings. I should add that getting blisters on your feet won’t help you win anything.

Uses for retired socks

Old socks that are still together but look bad, gifted socks you do not love, holy socks- these can all be retired in the trash, a deep hole or:

• Dry foot therapy: Rub petroleum jelly on extremely dry regions of feet and put some retired socks before slumbering

ps- there are also these:

 

pps: Also: Going sockless at the airport is for losers