Ideally our roads are never rocky, but to be unprepared for life’s gravel and pebbles due to making poor footwear choices is indefensible. Just in case you’re the type to bring a flip-flop to a boot fight, read on.
Standing in a long line (such as to vote), going on a march, preparing for a wildfire or earthquake-related evacuation, running for what you think could be your life after several manhole covers erupt sending flames over the street— these are a few situations where you want to be wearing solid shoes. Did you hear about the Global Citizen music fest in Central Park a couple years ago— where thousands of revelers ran every which way after a falling fence was thought to be a gunshot? We’ve been seeing what people have been wearing at some of these protests. In 2020, whenever you leave home you should think about roadblocks and emergency situations where your shoe game should be much stronger than it looks from our stoop.
When going to a conference, activist march, or something geo-political in nature where there could be crowds and unfamiliar territory, you should choose footwear carefully. Even if you don’t expect hostile environments— parades, nature hikes, music fests (we really miss those), plain old long days can turn into nightmares if you’re walking around in pathetic shoes. At minimum you’re risking daily comfort which can slow drip into a bad mood. You’ll be one of those I-need-to-go-back-to-the-hotel whiners on vacay. At maximum you’re failing to plan in case of emergency — sacrificing the mission whatever yours may be. No one writes “walk through kilometers of wet grass and gravel” on their daily planner.
BOOTS UP, SANDALS DOWN
Keep sandals, flip-flops, slides — things that expose a majority of your feet — as house shoes. If you’re going to a march, conference or show and may be bus/train-traveling to another city or town— don’t be the sap wearing the aforementioned shower shoes. By now, every workplace (sadly) has active-shooter instructions which explicitly have “fight back” as a final option. If you can’t stomp a mudhole in somebody’s ass with them, you are an ass for wearing them! I once had a good footwear discussion with a woman who just got off the subway after witnessing a sociopathic bullying incident. We agreed there’s no sense in walking around ANY city street or stepping onto public transportation with something like flip-flops. Violence is bad yes, but you need to be ready at all times to run for your life if violence occurs or kick a criminal in the crotch if you’re an unwitting first responder. Flip-flops say ‘mess with me’, boots say ‘don’t‘.
TIE SHOE CLUB
Keep your shoes tied when you’re on the move or you risk getting sicker, easier, quicker— entirely possibly—it’s important that they don’t touch the ground while walking. Through trace amounts of animal feces and bird dung on the ground “in the world” the diarrhea causing bacteria C. difficile “C-Diff” can travel from the bottoms of our shoes into the human body. It’s a safeguard against joining the feeling-sick club. If you must do the effortless swag thing— make sure the laces don’t touch the ground— especially walking around densely populated areas. There are plenty of stylish ways to lace your shoes. You can even buy a pair of shorter length laces than what came stock on your kicks. If the ship hits the fan and you have to run and your shoe falls off — you are a loser in the true sense of the word.
FLATS ARE NOT SHOES
Unless you’re doing ballet or sauntering indoors — duck those flats. They offer little-to-no support or shielding. Even the name is weak. “Flats”. That they’re an alternative to heels does not mean they’re good for rocky roads or sketchy streets. There are plenty of what your mother would call feminine shoes that are suitable for work and formal situations despite what weakling fashion sites tell you. Get some footwear with laces and an anatomical footbed to support your dual anacondas. When I see women trucking the streets of Manhattan in what are essentially slippers, I can almost hear her pinky toes crying out. There can be contractual stipulations on what type of footwear is acceptable for women in the workplace, but in 2020 we bet you can find a happy medium. Tell your boss Popdiatry gave you permission to wear shoes with laces or another suitable enclosure system. Nothing says “I fought the power, and the power won” like wearing flats in a revolutionary atmosphere. You’re not a cheap plastic doll. Get some real shoes.
WEAR SOCKS
Socks absorb moisture from your sweaty-ass feet, aid your footwears’ lifespan, and offer a courtesy layer if you’re asked to remove your shoes at a friend’s place. Darn Tough hikers, Wrightsock runners, bodega cheapos, “no-shows”, tube socks- get some freaking socks sis/bro or you don’t belong in this disco. In times of chill barefoot is great for sand and grass, but out of respect and common sense, if you’re going to be trooping to unknown territory — see what’s out there and invest in stockings. The friend referenced in the first sentence might be savvy enough to choose friends wiser and sockless birdbrains might never get a chance to make a first impression.
An honest sock review requires wearing said socks at least a few miles, a few times and seeing how they hold over a few washes. Allow us a quick first impression. Any shoe-watcher worth their weight in soles has been eyeing Allbirds since they burst onto the scene with their “best slice in town” approach to marketing footwear with wool uppers. I’m a fan of their shop on Spring Street in Manhattan. We like what they’re doing with materials. We love how they responded to Amazon’s craven cloning with a bit of swagger. Allbirds open-sources their proprietary materials and Trino™ are their latest sock offering and they contain eucalyptus tree fibers combined with their favorite Merino wool and more.
Succulent Trino™ Tubers from Allbirds
A good sock often contains a good blend, like a good wine. These Tubers are 50% Tencel, 22% Merino, 17% recycled nylon, 4% recycled polyester, 4% polyester, 1% nylon, and 2% Spandex. That’s a lot of different grapes. Sounds like the sock scientists pulled all-nighters settling on that ratio! Bless them. Kathy, a retired RN from Brockton Massachusetts was kind enough to give us a few test steps in these Trinos™.
AN HONEST TAKE ON WHAT THE BIG AMERICAN STORE HAS FOR FOOTWEAR ENTHUSIASTS
Coming from Boston Massachusetts, and living in New York City where there are no Walmarts, I had no idea what to expect when I accompanied a relative to WM store 2904 in Brockton Massachusetts on a quick mission to fill their levothyroxine prescription.
LOTSA LACES
I lied in the previous paragraph. I remember places like Caldor, Bradlees, Ames, Jamesway and Zayre and expected Walmart to be a jumbo Voltron of those.
I was impressed by the shoelace endcap – two actually filled with a wide variety of colors, lengths, and styles (think: dress, round, flat, oval, workboot, etc..). I got me these Kiwi 72″ leather laces ($4):
Kiwi leather laces (made in India)
These leather laces need no aglets could be cut to any size with a good pair of of scissors. At 72 inches, you could half them and end up with two pairs of short laces.
The trouble with ordering never-seen shoelaces online, is you might not be aware of the actual color, texture and stiffness. I find most of my favorite shoe-shops do not have a great selection of laces. I often scout the Duane Reade, CVS or Walgreens-type places for the randomly located shoelace endcaps; You know the ones. Walmart shoelace endcaps are Texas-size versions of those. I dug the big selection at Wal. I also bought some 45″ grey athletics ($3).
MANY SOCKS
Men’s socks at Walmart
I’m a man who loves buying quality made-in-USA products, and the mart had enough basic styles to hold me. I ended up picking up a six-pack of white made-in-USA Starter no-show socks ($7). I was surprised at the amount of USA-made options there were- at least in the men’s sock section. They also had a wide selection of diabetic friendly soft cotton socks by brands like MediPeds.
The women’s sock isle at Walmart
Keeping in mind many socks are unisex; some even listed as such, the ladies have their own sock section that is bigger than the guys’- it’s like a whole street. There weren’t as many women’s socks made-in-USA here; Even the American flag stockings on the rack below were made in China. To be fair, elsewhere in the store Walmart had some tee-shirts with a “Made in the USA” graphic on the chest which were in fact made in the USA.
Novelty socks at Walmart
Rubber Dotted Slipper Socks at Walmart
AS SEEN ON
Far away from the other shoes and socks, this Walmart had a small section displaying all kinds of products that are “As Seen On TV” – stuff advertised on television in the form of commercials or infomercials. I spotted these Miracle Copper Socks that I do remember seeing the ad for. The descriptive language used on the packaging is abjectly far-fetched. Metal used in fabric construction is nothing new. Some astronaut underwear contains silver. Miracle Copper Socks hit you with line after line that make it seem like their product will heal injuries.
On the back of the box there was a random Caduceus– the snake-pole insignia that I suppose is meant to give the impression that these socks are endorsed by a professional medical organization which they are totally not.
Endorsed by Dr. Who? (Pardon the blur)
Non-profit consumer watchdog group Truth In Advertising, Inc. says it best. “Miracle Copper offers no clinical data to back up the claims that their product reduces swelling, boosts circulation, or massages achy legs and feet”. The odor control claim has some validity, as copper may ward off bacteria, but Miracle couldn’t leave it at that. I’m sure they’re not the worst socks in the world, but the snake oily packaging kept me from copping a pair, although I’d happily accept a test pair from the company for a fair review.
WAL-o-SHOES
Shoelaces, socks, TV miracles- what about Walmart’s shoe selection? I’d venture a guess that If you’re reading this blog and other online content about shoes, you’d probably be into footwear more substantial than what Walmart offers.
Shoes hanging out at Walmart
One theme is that most of the shoes at this Walmart are boxless and hanging on racks priced around what you’d pay for an appetizer at P.F. Changs. It’s as if shoeboxes are banned from the store.
Faded Glory Slip Ons
I noticed a lot of the shoes were inexpensive versions of familiar name brands; like these (above) Faded Glory slip-ons which one could cynically call Canal Street Vans.
Inexpensive Avia sneakers at Walmart
Although designer footwear for kids is now a thing, I can see not wanting to overly spend on children’s shoes which they’ll likely outgrow or ruin before even grasping the abstract concept of fashion. Not for nothing, you could walk out with the whole cart pictured below with mostly Starter and Avia for under 200 bucks.
W-mart also had a decent insole and accessory collection, including plenty of Shoe-Goo, which I have fond memories of seeing my skater friends using to repair ollie damage back in the day.
Insoles and footwear accessories at Walmart
Based on my visit to this one store; Sneakerheads and shoe-freaks may not find any kicks to fall in love with at Walmart, but it may be worth a visit if you’re hunting down your dream laces, and want to stock up on some trooping socks.
I think I overhear much “debate” about Walmart in the papers and on the web. I can say walking around this particular store, I noticed nothing out-of-the-ordinary or outrageous. I was probably the weirdest cat in the building taking pictures of socks with my camera phone. To comment on socio-political aspects of Walmart is way beyond the scope of this blog. I spent 14 bucks and my relative got their script filled.
As a nod to baseball great Yogi Berra who died last night at age 90, allow me to offer my own version of a Yogi Berra-ism to end this piece:
Nobody likes Walmart because everyone shops there.
To be wearing the best socks available for your current life style with attention to fabric, thickness and shoe type
Clipped from The Boston Globe 1964
You lose the sock game if you are asked to remove your shoes and your socks are thrashed, dirty, ripped or all three. The board game Stratego was a bit like Chess, in that you had your plentiful ‘trooper’ pieces (work socks) and a hierarchy that led up to Generals and Marshals (socks you wear on a first date).
Whether you keep your shoes on indoors like on the Wale album cover,
or remove your shoes indoors like the Magnetic North and Taiyo Na album cover*,
It may benefit you to mentally leap from sock game to sock strategy, which can be even more fun since life itself is not a game.
*On the subject of shoes indoors, this recent New England Journal of Medicine study shows how trace amounts of bird dung on the bottom of shoes can transfer diarrhea-causing C. difficile bacteria to the human body. (game changer)
You can still conform to the style standards of your outside world while also being the most comfortable. Remember the goals of the game again?
To be empowered, never embarrassed by your socks
To be wearing the best socks available for your current life style with attention to fabric, thickness and shoe type
It starts with good buying choices. When it comes to shoes, we recommend spending more on less. With hosiery, the spending is more painless because affordable socks are everywhere.
A Happy Socks sock truck spotted outside Washington Square Park
I’ve gotten great socks from Amazon and big stores like T.J. Maxx and Marshalls. Outdoorsy shops like REI tend to have great socks. If you think like me, the occasional splurge on some boutiquey expensive socks is an inevitability.
The Sock Man on St.Mark’s Place
Have you ever packed for a trip and spent minutes contemplating exactly what socks to take? You put in a couple extra pairs right? Your thin socks are good for those, but thicker socks work better on these. See: You’re a sock strategist. I got my first “good” pair of socks at The Sock Man on 8th Street back in the 90s. Up until then my sock game was passive; I just relied on the inevitable packs of socks I’d receive from my folks on birthdays and Christmas. I’d even default to socks from brands of sneakers I liked at the time: Adidas, Puma, etc.. Many years later I’ve gravitated back to the idea of buying socks in multi-packs in order to bring some consistency to my sock roster.
Einstein’s Uniform (bulk buying)
You know how heavy thinkers like Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs and Pee-wee Herman always dressed the same. Why waste neurotransmission on deciding what to wear in the morning? My grandfather always wanted the same kind of socks (black Gold Toes) for a similar logic. When you do the wash, you needn’t blow minutes sorting each pair. Partly because I long for brilliance, and mostly because I’m paralyzed by too many choices, I’ve become a sucker for a good 3-pack of quality stockings. This incorporates a bit of the uniform theory, and since I often wear the same footwear, it’s nice to have the same sock/shoe combo on multiple days, and opening the sock drawer doesn’t activate the inner scatterbrain.
Keeping in mind that Popdiatry is not a website for medical information while also bearing in mind that we urge readers to be comfortable and happy, I love me some cotton socks. Cotton is so forgiving and absorptive that it makes a great choice for a long day with long walks. Be that wise reader of the package while shopping. 100% cotton socks are rare. There needs to be some elastic agent; Just look for a majority percentage. The sock label will often have a breakdown similar to nutritional info found on food packaging. The con of cotton is that it tends to becomes pully and misshapen after a series of wears and washes. Other materials like polyester and nylon can lead to a better shelf life (drawer life) and therefore resilient look. We don’t need a PhD to recommend that you air-dry your hosiery as much as possible. If you don’t have some clothespins and a line, get yourself a wooden dying rack and hang your wet socks on there with game-winning pride.
A great hangout for socks
Also: You know that thing where you roll a pair of socks together to put in the drawer? I’d avoid doing that, or reduce it to one roll, to preserve the aforementioned elasticity around the ankle. Unless it’s a look that your going for, droopy socks can be annoying as hell.
How many socks should you have?
Reporting live from New York City, around twenty pairs should do ya. That gives you plenty of flex time between washings, and won’t crowd your drawer. You can hibernate those alpaca and merino wool socks when the temperature is above 80. Conversely, the no-show whites can lay low if it’s winter. You can store any socks over twenty and smoothly introduce them onto your roster when a pair ‘retires’.
Left Right Socks
I first noticed New Balance doing left/rights for some of their high-end running socks. Most of our socks start to develop a left and right after some good wear anyway- especially those cottons. But like the package of these Keen L/R socks say “You don’t have two left feet”:
During the American Civil War- the leather brogans (boots) issued by the confederacy to their soldiers had no defined left and right boot. Soldiers were expected to wear two of the same boots until the leather conformed. Imagine that break-in period? No wonder the bad guys lost. Today we have left/right shoes, and left/right socks, but sadly the human race hasn’t moved past wars. Maybe left/right socks can help pacify us?
CLIP YOUR TOENAILS (just not in public)
Until every sock is left right, you want to make your socks last longer by minding your toenail length. Comedian George Carlin had a funny line about toenail clipping- like, when you decide to do it? How about when your big toenail is sharp enough to cut a gash in your lover’s calf? That means it’s slowly slicing away at your sock. After finishing this article would be a great time for a clip.
Toe Socks
Toes to freedom
I first saw toe-socks (like gloves for your feet) in the catalog of Things You Never Knew Existed back in the day. I remember thinking how socks like these would drive me nuts with the sensation. Fast forward to 2015 and I bought a pair of Injinji performance toesocks to try for myself.
Injinji Performance 2.0 Original Weight Thin Cushioning ToeSock: 29% Polyester, 68% Nylon, 3% Lycra, made in China
I do appreciate my toes having their own pockets, and I understand they allow a more natural splay. These socks worked out okay. Maybe it was the material, but I found them to be a bit fatiguing after a long day. My index toe being almost equal length to my big toe probably doesn’t help either. If it’s toe-crowding you’re concerned about, a set of foam toe-spacers may be a better solution. I am however intrigued enough to buy another pair soon with a different thickness.
PLAYING FAVORITES
Think hosiery natural selection. The socks you like will always be picked and worn and remain at the top of the drawer. Before writing this article I did purchase a bunch of different socks, and one brand started to be picked all the time- Wrightsock.
I happened upon them in an REI store and really really like their patented double-layer construction. The company makes their socks in the USA, and guarantees they won’t give you blisters; They are double layered, but do not feel too thick. I bought a second pair, and look forward to my third, forth and fifth. They’re not cotton, but the innovative design has them feeling great, and they always seem to be hanging on the top tier of my wooden rack.
Swiftwick sock rack spotted at an American airport
Expensive Socks
Remember when Biggie rapped “…I stay Gucci down to the socks…”? Just like any apparel category, there exists a high-end in the world of socks. Pairs that may cost you more than dinner at P.F. Chang’s. Barring the simple name of some designer printed on the sock with no other testament to quality, many expensive socks aren’t even that expensive considering they should outlast the pair you bought off the endcap at Walgreens. You have Stance, Darn Tough, Cole + Parker, Dahlgren, Feetures!, Smartwool, Thorlos… so many brands actually that I’m having a hard time finishing this article.
Rihanna X Stance
Graphic/Novelty Socks
Odd Sox
Semi-recent advancements in fabric printing technology have made it possible to put detailed images on stockings, and there are a whole lot of companies offering anything you can imagine to grace your feet in these times of memification.
Cocky Socks
Don’t expect the graphics to stay looking brand new after multiple wears and washes. You should definitely follow the instructions on laundering, and consider air drying socks with pictures of butts on them.
40s and Shorties “Twerk” socks
I have a hunch many of these novelty socks are being produced faster than licensing agreements can catch up for likenesses and imagery. We know Biggie rapped “… cheese, eggs and Welch’s grape…” but the grape juice on these 40s & Shorties Big Poppa socks appears genericized:
“T-Bone steak, cheese, eggs, and Welch’s grape” – Biggie
The Rules
Every game has rules, and the sock game rules are written in invisible ink on the collective conscious of wherever you happen to be in this world. The more shorts are worn in the summer, the less I see of my own socks. In Seattle, no one might blink an eye at socks with sandals, elsewhere you might get Vice Don’ted or social media dissed for daring to .The fate of your sock/shorts combo will be tried in the court of public opinion regardless of what some blogger writes. Good thing you are the judge.
So there aren’t any rules, but if you break a non-rule, life will hand you the proper infraction. Function may funk you up if you wear wool socks and it’s 90 degrees out. Going sockless in certain types of shoes can be doable, but if you have a long day with lots of walking, you may be better off with stockings. I should add that getting blisters on your feet won’t help you win anything.
Uses for retired socks
Old socks that are still together but look bad, gifted socks you do not love, holy socks- these can all be retired in the trash, a deep hole or:
Dry foot therapy: Rub petroleum jelly on extremely dry regions of feet and put some retired socks before slumbering
ps- there are also these:
pps: Also: Going sockless at the airport is for losers
Attention: Used Derek Jeter game socks are on sale from Steiner Sports Memorabilia for only $409.99. Peep the screenshot.
Not a joke
Since you bought a baseball player’s sock for so much, it put a huge dent in your basketball sneaker budget and you can no longer afford $240 forthese newTitolo Reebok pumps. No problem because Shaquille O’Neal now has his own inexpensive brand of high-tops available at Walmart.
Pic by Funyagi
It’s no secret that Nike is chomping their competition in worldwide sneaker and apparel sales. Rival Adidas went and hired three Nike design vetsand will stick them in a Brooklyn design studioin hopes they can carve a bigger piece of the North American pie.
Since you bought that Jeter sock, you won’t have enough for a pair of these $400 New Balance Horween leather models
ubiqlife.com
Bus to Philly for a chance to buy some of these limited edition U.S. made NBs on October 1st: $11
ubiqlife.com
It appears the New BalanceBerry-compliant 950v2 models we talked about earlier this year may be closer to hitting real ground.
New Balance
Members of congress visited a New Balance biomechanical research/prototype lab in Lawrence, Massachusetts last month to see how an athletic sneaker is made entirely in The United States using US materials. The Department of Defense is expected to make a decision soon about enforcing a rules that states new military recruits should buy products (sneakers) made in the USA with their vouchers. Read the full article in Navy Times.
