I own a very majestic pair of flip-flops worthy of writing an ode to some day.  We don’t walk far using them, and we certainly don’t ride on the plane, train or bus with them.  Whether you want to capitalize the F or do a dash, we could really give a flying fork about this particular category of footwear, and can barely contain disgust with inappropriate use of what we consider beach/shower shoes. Situationally if you aren’t near water, your couch or a hammock, heck you doing wearing flip-flops out and about as if they were real shoes?? Open-back thong FFs are not real shoes! Love ’em for stationary activities, but walking, they make a sound like flip , flop — like fingernails on the whiteboard of the mind, yet more wretched. Public flip-flop wearers become ineffectual wusses if an everyday emergency presents itself. Worse if it’s a multi-emergency, you’re reliant on someone else to help you, or at least risk cutting short a fun excursion (no fun) or worse having to waste rescue-workers’ time. Have some bloody respect for your feet.

Consider this a love note. If something berserk goes down — you’re a pussy for letting something so simple — not having solid shoes — ruin your day, screw it summer. We don’t care which sex you are. You can carry a pair of decent slides in a pack to use as needed while trooping in your propers. We’ll even raise you a backup pair if you’re by the water. It’s hoping for the best & expecting the worst as an mRNA shot for having all the clues when it comes to shoes. You can’t be anything but an embarrassment if you show up to certain social situations with flips. Flops suck for walking stairs, driving automobiles, earthquake evacuations and strolling in the trashy rain.  Flip flops, slides, slippers, sandals and that whole family of footwear works greater by the beach, pool or beanbag chair. Buy a fresh pair. Make it count. Don’t be a puss in flops when life pulls up and steps on your toe.